I have something of a hate relationship with love

I am currently decluttering my RedBubble Portfolio, to make way for more recent art that best represents who I am now, as well as to make it easier for customers to navigate the available products for sale. As a result I will be sharing some of my old creative writings here on WordPress, as a way of preserving them. In several cases my mind, opinions, beliefs, values and overall understanding of life have changed since the time I wrote these pieces, but I still feel that they are personally valuable reminders of the various stages of my life journey thus far.

This piece of writing was first posted at my RedBubble Creative Writing Portfolio.

Date of original post: 10 April 2011

Total views, at 2 May 2016: 328

Love: I was not made for this

In the harsh light of day, as the sun chases away the outlandish fictions of my heart
(those cruel tormentors that whisper hopeful lies)
I return to the clarity of reason.

Those long nights lost whilst staring at the ceiling with a wandering mind,
Or the quietly joyful hope wondering what might be:
They were mere distractions.

I am not, and cannot be, the creature of beauty and the object of desire that I wish to be.
Something as wild and exciting, as passionate and alive as love, is not meant for me.
And it can never be; I was not made for this.

It seems I was made for solitude: to be buried in the earth, and made one with soil and silence.
To be hidden from the eyes of the world lest my visage offends them.
I am a spirit that longs to be alive, trapped in imperfect flesh.

Love: it shuns me, perceiving my faults and inadequacies.
Love moves on, reserving its passions for the beautiful and the deserving.
Love tells me that I was not made for this.