I am currently decluttering my RedBubble Portfolio, to make way for more recent art that best represents who I am now, as well as to make it easier for customers to navigate the available products for sale. As a result I will be sharing some of my old creative writings here on WordPress, as a way of preserving them. In several cases my mind, opinions, beliefs, values and overall understanding of life have changed since the time I wrote these pieces, but I still feel that they are personally valuable reminders of the various stages of my life journey thus far.
This piece of writing was first posted at my RedBubble Creative Writing Portfolio.
Date of original post: 21 July 2011
Total views, at 2 May 2016: 402
when the dull twilight cast its pallid glow on these wastelands
I tried to hide the tears – don’t ever reveal them.
Remembered too, my daily mantra:
I am dirt and dust
a fragile, broken thing
worthless and numb
it hollows the bones
and years of sorrow’s shed tears fill the dry streambeds
silvery sparkling salt water flow
clay and dried husks of dead plants
the debris lifted by the breeze and tossed in the water.
Prove me wrong when I look ahead and see only emptiness,
a lifetime void of promise or hope.
And love: made available only to the select few,
but not to me
… in my imperfections
… the surface marred with scars
… beauty never given, and never received.
Please, prove me wrong when I stand before you
reciting my reasons,
my endless self-hating epithets,
my declarations of love’s absence.
Because if you don’t,
All hope is lost,
and I will never know what it is to be
Surely, if I thought it my calling I would cast it all aside
these whims and desires
Become a martyr and saint –
but martyrs and saints freely lay down their lives
through the endless love of Spirit and joyful union with their Creator
and I..? I struggle with the
torment borne of the deepest sense
that something is terribly wrong
Here on the insipid plains of a sun-bleached desert
I need you to prove me wrong
that I believe about myself.